Former English skipper Lewis Moody has revealed he has been found to have motor neurone disease and acknowledged he cannot yet deal with the full consequences of the muscle-wasting condition that ended the lives of fellow rugby players Doddie Weir and Rob Burrow.
The 47-year-old, who was part of the 2003 Rugby World Cup-winning side and lifted several English and European titles with Leicester, gave an interview to BBC Breakfast a fortnight after learning he has the disease.
"There's something about confronting what lies ahead and not wanting to completely absorb that at the moment," he stated.
"It's not that I fail to comprehend where it's going. We grasp that. But there is absolutely a unwillingness to look the future in the face for now."
Moody, talking together with his wife Annie, explains rather he feels "peaceful" as he concentrates on his current welfare, his family and planning ahead for when the illness progresses.
"Maybe that's trauma or possibly I handle situations in another way, and after I have the details, it's simpler," he continued.
Early Signs
Moody found out he had MND after noticing some reduced power in his shoulder while training in the gym.
After rehabilitation didn't help the issue, a number of scans indicated neural pathways in his neurological system had been affected by MND.
"You receive this condition identification of MND and we're appropriately very emotional about it, but it's so strange because I sense that nothing's wrong," he added.
"I don't sense ill. I don't feel unwell
"My indications are very minor. I have some muscle deterioration in the fingers and the upper arm.
"I continue to be competent to doing anything and everything. And hopefully that will carry on for as long as is attainable."
Disease Advancement
MND can progress rapidly.
Based on the charity MND Association, the illness takes the lives of a third of people within a twelve months and more than half within two years of diagnosis, as eating and breathing become increasingly challenging.
Medical care can only slow decline.
"It's never me that I am upset for," commented an emotional Moody.
"It's about the grief around having to tell my mum - as an only child - and the ramifications that has for her."
Personal Effect
Conversing from the residence with his wife and their canine companion by his side, Moody was overcome with emotion when he spoke about breaking the news to his sons - 17-year Dylan and 15-year-old Ethan - the traumatic news, commenting: "It was the hardest thing I've ever had to do."
"These are two excellent boys and that was pretty heartbreaking," Moody said.
"We sat on the settee in crying, Ethan and Dylan both embraced in each other, then the dog jumped over and began cleaning the moisture off our faces, which was quite funny."
Moody explained the emphasis was staying in the moment.
"We have no solution and that is why you have to be so strongly directed on just welcoming and savoring everything now," he stated.
"According to Annie, we've been really blessed that the sole determination I made when I retired from playing was to devote as much time with the kids as attainable. We don't get those times back."
Player Association
Professional competitors are disproportionately impacted by MND, with investigations indicating the rate of the illness is up to six times elevated than in the general population.
It is considered that by limiting the air accessible and causing injury to motor neurone cells, frequent, intense training can trigger the illness in those already vulnerable.
Rugby Playing Days
Moody, who won 71 England selections and toured with the British and Irish Lions in New Zealand in 2005, was dubbed 'Mad Dog' during his playing career, in recognition of his brave, unwavering method to the game.
He played through a stress fracture of his leg for a time with Leicester and once caused a practice altercation with colleague and friend Martin Johnson when, irritated, he discarded a training equipment and began throwing himself into tackles.
After coming on as a substitute in the Rugby World Cup final win over Australia in 2003, he won a ball at the end of the line-out in the crucial phase of play, creating a base for scrum-half Matt Dawson to advance and Jonny Wilkinson to kick the victory-securing drop kick.
Support Network
Moody has earlier told Johnson, who captained England to that victory, and a few other former colleagues about his condition, but the others will be discovering his news with the broader public.
"There will be a period when we'll need to rely on their assistance but, at the present, just having that kind of care and acceptance that people are there is the crucial thing," he commented.
"Rugby is such a great family.
"I told to the kids the other day, I've had an extraordinary life.
"Even when it concluded now, I've valued all of it and embraced all of it and got to do it with unbelievable people.
"When you have the opportunity to call your passion your vocation, it's one of the greatest privileges.
"To have done it for so considerable a period with the squads that I did it with was a joy. And I understand they will want to help in any way they can and I look forward to having those talks."
