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At times, a 22-year-old from Los Angeles believes he is “the greatest person on planet Earth”. Having received an NPD diagnosis, his periods of extreme self-importance often turn “really delusional”, he explains. You’re riding high and you’re like, ‘Everyone’s going to know that I’m better than them … I will achieve remarkable feats for the world’.”

Regarding his experience, these episodes of self-aggrandisement are usually succeeded by a “crash”, a period when he feels overwhelmed and self-conscious about his behavior, making him especially susceptible to disapproval from external sources. He began to think he might have NPD after looking up his traits online – and subsequently confirmed by a specialist. However, he doubts he would have agreed with the assessment if he hadn’t already reached that conclusion personally. When someone suggests to somebody that they have this disorder, {they’ll probably deny it|denial is a common response|they’re likely to reject it,” he comments – especially if they feel feelings of superiority. “They’re in a delusional world that they made for themselves. And that world is like, No one compares to me and {nobody can question me|no one should doubt me|my authority is absolute.”

Clarifying The Condition

Although people have been called narcissists for over 100 years, it’s not always clear what the term implies the term. “Everyone calls everybody a narcissist,” explains a leading researcher, noting the word is “used more than it should be” – but when it comes to a formal diagnosis, he suggests many people hide it, due to so much stigma linked to the condition. A narcissist will tend to have “a heightened sense of self”, “difficulty understanding others’ feelings”, and “a pattern of manipulating others to enhance their social status through behaviors including displaying material goods,” the specialist explains. Those with NPD may be “highly self-focused”, to the point that {“they’re not able to hold down stable relationships|“their jobs are damaged|“they have a distorted view of reality,” he emphasizes.

Emotional connections were never important about anyone really, so I’ve never taken relationships seriously

Variations by Gender in The Disorder

Though up to 75% of people identified as having narcissistic personality disorder are males, research indicates this number does not mean there are fewer narcissistic women, but that narcissism in women is frequently manifests in the less obvious variety, which is less commonly diagnosed. Narcissistic traits in men tends to be more socially permissible, just kind of like everything in society,” says a young adult who discusses her dual diagnosis on social media. It is not uncommon, the two disorders are comorbid.

Personal Struggles

“I really struggle with receiving negative comments and not being accepted,” she shares, whenever it’s suggested that I am at fault, I tend to switch to a defensive state or I withdraw entirely.” Despite having this behavior – which is sometimes referred to as “ego wounding”, she has been working to manage it and listen to guidance from her loved ones, as she aims to avoid falling into the damaging patterns of her earlier years. “I was very emotionally abusive to my partners during adolescence,” she reveals. With professional help, she has been able to mitigate her NPD symptoms, and she explains she and her significant other “operate with an understanding where I told him, ‘If I say something messed up, if my words are controlling, address it {right then and there|immediately|in the moment’.”

Her upbringing primarily in the care of her father and says she lacked supportive figures as a child. “I’ve been learning all this time the difference between acceptable versus unacceptable to say in conflicts because I lacked that guidance in my formative years,” she shares. There were no boundaries when my family members were belittling me during my childhood.”

Root Causes of Narcissistic Traits

Personality disorders tend to be linked to childhood challenges. Heredity is a factor,” explains an expert in personality disorders. But, when someone develops narcissistic traits, it is often “connected with that person’s unique upbringing”. Those traits were “a survival tactic in some ways to cope in formative years”, he adds, when they may have been overlooked, or only shown love that was conditional on meeting particular demands. They then “continue to use those same mechanisms as adults”.

In common with many of the individuals with NPD, a person from Leeds thinks his parents “may be narcissists themselves”. The adult shares when he was a child, “everything was all about them and their work and their social life. So it was like, don’t bother us.” When their attention turned to him, it came in the form of “significant demands to achieve good grades and professional advancement, he recalls, which made him feel that if he didn’t fulfill their expectations, he wasn’t “worthy.

In adulthood, none of his relationships lasted. Emotional investment was lacking about anyone really,” he admits. “So I’ve never taken relationships seriously.” He didn’t think experiencing genuine affection, until he met his long-term relationship of three years, who is diagnosed with BPD, so, like him, finds it hard to manage mood stability. She is “very supportive of the thoughts that occur in my head”, he notes – it was in fact, her who originally considered he might have NPD.

Seeking Help

Subsequent to a consultation to his GP, John was referred to a mental health professional for an evaluation and was given the NPD label. He has been put forward for therapeutic sessions via government-funded care (extended treatment is the only treatment that has been proven effective NPD patients, experts say), but has been on the waiting list for 18 months: “They said it is expected around in a few months.”

Disclosure was limited to a few individuals about his condition, because “prejudice is common that all narcissists are abusers”, but, personally, he has accepted it. This understanding allows me to gain insight into my behavior, which is beneficial,” he says. Each individual have come to terms with NPD and are seeking help for it – hence being willing to talk about it – which is likely not typical of all people with the diagnosis. But the existence of online advocates and the expansion of digital groups indicate that {more narcissists|a growing number